Witches are known to ride brooms, but “ride” in the sense of the word that we use it is not really what real pre-1900s witches had in mind. They used brooms to get high… quite literally.

We’re not talking about flight, here. They got high on ergot by creating a witches brew with it. The witches would dip their brooms into the brew, and then, they would rub the brooms on their vaginas, which sometimes included penetration. Logical, right? Well, it didn’t start that way.

And it didn’t stop at ergot. Henbane, jimsonweed, mandrake, and deadly night shade were often experimented with for their hallucinogenic effects, but ingesting these drugs sometimes produced unwanted side effects, such as nausea, vomiting and rashes.

Not cool, but the trip was. So these witchly drug researchers looked for other ways to sail the sky. It wasn’t long until they discovered that you could absorb some of these substances through the skin, avoiding the negative side effects.

Heavy real-world research (in other words, lots of drug trips) made it apparent that the best body parts to absorb these hallucinogenic potions were either the genitalia or the armpits, and logically, a broom handle is an easy and accessible tool for application. What about splinters though?

Perhaps exceptional carpentry prevented such problems. We’ll never know.

But what we do know is that as the high set in, “riding” the broom became a fun activity that they actually enjoyed, whether in groups or alone. Well, you can’t blame a girl for making love to a dildo-ish object during an all-night drug binge… the same object responsible for said binge.

Thus, witches would continue to apply it to their vaginas, riding the broom periodically throughout the night, laughing and orgasming in madness. It’s probably why a lot of early witch paintings depict nude, intoxicated, mid-orgasm witches straddling brooms on or close to the ground, not soaring through the sky.

But the association with flying is rooted in the effects of these potions, often described as a lifting, flying and intoxicating sensation. Now, the only question on my mind is why did they ever stop doing this? Who wouldn’t mind a visit to the local witch doctor for the occasional ergot orgy?

Thanks, Salem. Know more.