You heard that right. After all these years, the burning question regarding the subtleties of sex positions in space has been answered. Due to the intense curiosity of researchers in the field, Congress allocated $5 million in the 2018 budget specifically for research into how humans will be having sex in space. Excited about the experiment, astronaut Kelly Scott said, “I spent a year or so in the International Space Station, and you get lonely sometimes. So I was excited to hear that we’d finally be getting some action!”

Space 2

If there’s one thing humans have been doing- and will be doing- forever, it’s having sex. With the recent acceleration of space exploration, it’s only a matter of time until we’re all doing it mid-air. Of course, the need to be able to communicate about the intricacies of the no-pants-dance is of the utmost importance, so NASA, the trailblazer’s that they are, did us all a favor by giving it a try.Space 3

Beginning with the go-to position for teenagers and geriatrics alike, missionary, the two lucky astronauts participating in this experiment immediately noticed differences due to the lack of gravity. “It was hard to decide who was on top and who was on bottom,” said Kelly. “Since there’s no gravity, there’s no up or down, which means it’s really a matter of interpretation. So we just called it ‘Schrodinger’s Missionary’ instead.” Positions such as Doggystyle further complicated things. “It was hard to decide what was going on. I mean, I got behind her, but we couldn’t decide which position we were trying.” It’s impossible to say how many sexual space SNAFU’s were avoided thanks to the brave souls that participated in this study, but we owe it to NASA once again for exploring new frontiers.