How far would you go to whiten your teeth? Whitening Strips, UV lights, maybe charcoal? How about urine? Most would be repulsed by the thought of urine as a toothpaste, but then again most wouldn’t fare well in The Roman Empire. As a favorite amongst the Romans, urine had many benefits such as brightening colors, making gunpowder, and even softening leather. Although none of those call for putting urine in your mouth, the Romans did it anyway.
Used as a mouthwash, urine would be swished thoroughly, producing a pearly white finish with a slight side of pee breath. The Roman poet Catullus, remarking on his enemy Ignatius’, writes: “in the country of Spain what each man pisses, he’s used to brushing his teeth and red gums with, every morning, so the fact that your teeth are so polished just shows you’re the more full of piss.” These were truly turbulent times.
When tested, by sources who shall remain anonymous, the results were described as “absolutely phenomenal!” Ammonia in the urine acts as a bleaching agent that lifts stains, similar to how it affects clothes, due to its acidity. If you’re looking for a holistic teeth-whitening regimen, but aren’t as enticed by the idea of a pee-flavored mouth as our anonymous test subjects were, try rubbing strawberries on your teeth then brushing them immediately afterward. The acid from the strawberries will help give you that extra shade of white you’re looking for.