Bearded and mustachioed men across the world are familiar with the age-old dilemma. You’ve put in the time, made it through the perilous itchy stage, groomed and cultivated when necessary, and now your kick ass man-beard has reached its peak. It’s not a coincidence that you hear whispers of Galifianakis wherever you go.

It’s perfect, but you don’t know how much longer you can tolerate its ability to “store” half sandwiches, crumbs of all kinds, full ounces of anything you drink, bicycle tires, government secrets… I digress.

As a longtime bearded chap, I’ve had my setbacks. I admit to throwing in the towel and rummaging up my dusty old razor because I’ve grown sick of a little phenomenon I call “wet cat face” that occurs evert time I sip a frosty cold beverage. I stare in bewildered disgust ay my unrecognizable bald face and think, “What else was I going to do, stop drinking beer?”

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Fear not, beardos! The geniuses at Whisker Dam conjured up the solution to all your problems, and the answer to all your prayers. The Whisker Dam is a 100% copper mustache guard that slips easily onto the rim of your glass and protects facial hair from unwanted foam and liquid. It’s like an umbrella, for your face. For those of the hipster persuasion, it even comes in an old-timey box that looks like a harmonica case. Know more.