tunnel wife escape

For some, marriage is life’s ultimate reward. Finally, you got the girl… the girl. Family, kids, grandkids. It’s everything worth living for. But for others, marriage is a prison sentence, and escape by any means necessary is life or death.

Consider the story of Patsy Kerr, one such imprisoned male, who could not bare the cold, lifeless prison of his reality, the solid and immovable steel cage of his marriage. He will not die here, not like this, not like a lion in a cage at the LA Zoo. Patsy is a free man, dammit!

A free man by any means necessary… so he tunneled a hole from underneath his bed to a local pub 800 feet away. When his wife was out shopping or in her predictable deep sleep, he would dig using all sorts of tools, anything from a spoon to a powered boring machine. It would become his secret project – a hobby – for more than a decade, producing a tunnel that he could easily crawl into…

…and out into the pub’s ladies’ room. He made the first underground trip in 2009, and continued accessing the pub after 11PM, when his wife would sleep, creeping back through the tunnel in the early AM, before his wife would wake up.

Oh, brother, where art thou?

This continued through 2014 without a hitch, but like the script of a good mobster flick, the good times were too good to last. The fun came to a close when he was summoned to court because he was determined to be the cause of a collapsed pipe. Patsy was forced to confess the purpose of the tunnel, and it all came crashing down from there.

Today, we pour one out for our fallen brother, who is back in the pen without any hope for freedom. Patsy, I dedicate my next pub crawl to you. Know more.