Yep, it’s the secret of the century. Your entire life you lived a lie thinking that zoos exist to provide the public with a rare ability to see wild animals. But, sadly, today I must teach you the painful truth that zoos are actually sweatshops. That’s right. When the animals turn in for the night, they are herded to a basement where hours of sewing ensue…

Ok, fine – not quite. But zoo animals are being used to fashionably rip your fav pair of denim. The Japanese brand, Zoo Jeans, found it to be pretty costly to train lions and tigers to use sewing machines – and too many seamstresses were deemed, uh, missing. So, now they wrap jeans around tires and throw them in with the sexy creatures demanding that they, “play, my children! Play!”

In the end, I don’t know if the idea is really all that profitable. In the spirit of Zoo Jeans (and with glowing dollar signs in my eyes) I threw some pairs of socks at my dog during her playtime. After a few days, I put them on ebay under the name, “Rover’s Sock Fancy.” Not. A. Single. Purchase. Can you believe it? I guess zoo animals are the only cool kids in the animal kingdom. I mean, racism is pretty bad, but animal discrimination? Sickening… Know more.