Wait, did you not know? I thought everyone knew rectal massage cures hiccups. I know that I myself have been sticking things up my ass for years at the first detection of a potential hiccup. It’s what all normal people do, right?! Ok, wrong. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work!

Dr. Francis Fesmire, who you can thank for this wisdom, made the discovery while working with a patient who could not stop hiccuping for over 72 hours. In 10 seconds or less, I’ll give you a really bad explanation of what causes hiccups: The hiccup is kind of like a misunderstanding between nerves. One nerve gives the signal to breathe in, while another gives the signal to stop breathing in about .35ths of a second after the inhale commences – thus, a hiccup. Fesmire found that because there are so many nerve endings in the rectum, stimulation of the area can generate signals that override the drunk, asshole nerves creating hiccups. Science does it again!

What does this mean for you? Well, if you’ve had any kind of curiosity about your ass, bring on the hiccups! Now, you have an excuse to get experimental where the sun don’t shine. However, apparently orgasm works just as well as a hiccup-cure, so I guess if you decide to go anal you’ll be a weirdo after all. Bummer. Know more.