I knew there was a reason I didn’t like roaches. Any creature that doesn’t experience the euphoric moment of urination must be abnormal and untrustworthy. On the other hand, cockroaches have survived 140 million years because they don’t pee. They can endure life threatening environments because of the microbe Blattabacterium, which converts waste into nutrients. That means that roaches are way ahead of the recycling curve. Come on, hipsters, you’re losing the battle.

Cockroaches need not be cocky about their lack of urination because all insects do not pee. Roaches just have bacterially enhanced nitrogen efficiency. But if you combat Blattabacterium with antibiotics then the insects die, or you can simply squish them if you’re keen on that idea.

Scientists have been puzzled by Blattabacterium, however, because the links in the microbe’s genome were unclear. The microbe “codes for enzymes that break down urea and ammonia, the components of uric acid.” Other genes suggest that Blattabacterium can repair cell walls and perform metabolic tasks.

One thing is for certain: cockroaches would die without Blattabacterium. They have become dependent on it just like Americans depend on fast food. If fast food didn’t exist, how could people get fat and ingest their daily dose of unhealthiness. Hey, people have to survive, right? Not all of us can hold our pee like roaches. Know more.