“Hey, Vladamir! Get me a glass of coke… errrg… I mean – vodka! On the rocks!” Aaaand SCENE. What you have just read (and witnessed), ladies and gentleman, is my impressively imaginative interpretation of phrases heard often in the household of Georgy Zukhov. I will now discuss a love story between the late Soviet Officer, Zukhov, and Coke (no, not the powder – the drink, you druggie!) and a little thing called communism that kept getting in the way.

Back around the end of WWII, Coca-Cola made a clear version of its popular soft drink for Zukhov upon request. The officer developed a taste for the drink during his time fighting the power in Europe, and upon returning to the motherland, Zukhov found himself in a predicament: give up his true love in bubbly form or risk death due to conviction of supporting American imperialism. Zukhov chose a third option by contacting the Allies and requesting that a secret Coke be made for him that could be easily disguised as vodka – and Coke rose to the occasion.

I’ve heard this idea used the other way around, like in the episode from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, when the gang puts wine in empty soda cans so they can get drunk in public while appearing to enjoy a crisp, virgin beverage. I guess true love will drive Soviets to great lengths, or maybe communism is just the biggest buzz kill. I mean, really, communism – as a college student once said to me during a time of attempted peer pressure, “a little coke never hurt anyone.” Know more.