And, now, it’s time for another special addition of: “Back in the day,” a segment during which we discuss the insane things people used to do and that docs used to prescribe, thinking they were definitely getting to the root of the problem. Last week we discussed the practice of “bloodletting,” which was definitely intelligent… (sigh) Today, we’re discussing President Roosevelt’s ‘obviously genius’ doctors who gave him the unique prescription of smoking cigars for Asthma. I mean, call me stupid, but I definitely don’t know what will cause someone to breathe more freely than a nice, thick, black cloud of smoke.

To be fair, that isn’t the only thing Roosevelt’s docs recommended to him for his asthma. They also recommended: drinking whiskey and coffee, and taking vacations to the coast. Spoiler alert: none of it worked. I know, I’m as shocked as you! Apparently, he later decided to take up boxing so he could defend himself from bullies, and his asthma ended up disappearing. Yuck, wait, exercise and improving his lung capacity was helpful? You gotta be kidding me! I figured he could just smoke enough cigars to kill off his lungs and then he wouldn’t have to even worry about breathing anymore, duh.

Welcome to the magical world of doctors and unicorns, where bacon and cupcakes help you lose weight, tanning beds fill you with vitamins, and alcohol makes your liver big and strong. Also known as: heaven – the place you go after you’ve died as a result of being an indulgent asshole. Know more.