Like tattoos, guess what else apparently never changes? Despite claims that it is composed of a frozen substance, Wal-Mart ice cream sandwiches apparently don’t melt, even when exposed to more than adequate melting temperatures for prolonged periods of time.

The discovery was made by a mother who noticed her child’s ice cream sandwich had not melted after sitting outside in 80-degree weather for over 12 hours. Later, a local news channel that decided to pick up the story conducted an experiment leaving out a pint of Haagen Dazs, a Klondike Bar, and a Wal-Mart Great Value ice cream sandwich. The results? Both the pint of HD and the Klondike Bar melted relatively quickly while the ice cream sandwich melted only slightly and retained its form. Conclusion: gross.

Wal-Mart claims the the lack of melting is due to the sandwich’s composition including cream, also known as fat or lard. Lard doesn’t melt as fast, and the more lard, the slower the rate of melting. But others have pointed out that additives and preservatives in the sandwiches assist with non-melting as well. All this begs the question: what the fuck is Wal-Mart feeding us?

When it comes down to it, though, can I really be so shocked that Wal-Mart is selling lard sandwiches to its consumers? After spending a few minutes on www.peopleofwalmart.com, it’s clear that we’re dealing with a different breed of the human race altogether. A better question in this case might be the chicken or egg inquiry. Which came first: did Wal-Mart’s lard sandwiches create this uber odd breed of humans? Or is Wal-Mart simply catering to the group’s lard sandwich dietary needs? Know more.