It’s a good week for people who like getting passed third base. Scratch that. It’s a good week for people who like to GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! Because six teams in the World Cup–Bosnia, Cameroon, Chile, Ghana, Mexico, and South Korea–proved saying no to doing the dirty is completely boneheaded. You see, these six teams were instructed by their coaches not to have sex for the duration of the tourney. We already know casual sex is good for you, but what was the result of this off-the-field strategy of voluntary celibacy? Four out of the six teams aren’t playing anymore. Only Mexico and Chile have progressed to the round of 16. You do the math.

But why would coaches make such a ludicrous requirement of abstinence of their teams? The Olympics, after all, are known for their sex orgies in the Olympic village, why would the World Cup be different? Well some people think testosterone is lowered after ejaculating, like a man’s sex juice is as magical as Austin Power’s mojo, but in reality the opposite is true. Psychology experts say that more sex actually leads to more testosterone production. A use-it-or-lose-it kind of principle. So my advice for the teams going forward? If you want to make better headers on the field, you’re gonna need to get more head off. Know more.